Another very freeing (and at times incredibly challenging) belief is: there are reasons why I get each life problem and challenge. Whatever the universe gives me in terms of benefits, disasters, people, losses, challenges, money and diseases are in my life for reasons specific to me. They are there now because I need them there now. They are the best possible teachers for me here on Earth School now.
These days my friends and I often jokingly call our upsets and disasters "more #$&*@ growth opportunities." This does imply that a higher power or god or unconscious part of us knows what we need and is arranging it. (Our conscious minds would never go along with selecting many of the disasters.) Whatever discomforts we get, they are there to spur our growth and change, not to be blamed upon so-called "perpetrators." (It might or might not be beneficial for the "perpetrators" to change. But if they change before we accomplish the growth they are providing us the opportunity for, then we will probably just manifest new "perpetrators" into our lives so that we may accomplish our needed growth.) It often is anything but a simple process to change our responses to these #$&*@ growth opportunities. Such change can take anywhere from a few moments to years.
Caution: Others in the midst of some disaster will usually not appreciate your words describing how perfect the disaster is for them! They will need to feel and express in their own ways, whatever those ways may be. It is later, when they appear stuck, that the possibility arises to gently ask about the positive learning side of their experience.
Your most effective communication with them will depend upon their spiritual belief systems. Few in this culture believe in the perfection of who they are and in the perfection of what they get. Therefore, the best questions are often along the lines of, "What is the positive side of this?" or, "What have you learned from this?" If you are communicating with a reincarnation believer or a strong believer in a particular religion, on the other hand, questions about their learning from or about the perfection of a particular disaster can be asked much earlier.
Please note the complete lack of victim mentality in the statement, "I get exactly what I need." The challenge is to move through a problem so that it no longer is a problem rather than remain stuck in feeling victimized and stuck in blame. If someone in my life is doing something that causes me significant distress, then my challenge is not to get him to stop but to change my responses so that the next time he does it, I will not be adversely affected. Challenging? Yes! But I have all my power (and part of the exercise of my power may be to move out of unhealthy circumstances). If my happiness depends upon them changing, then I have given away my power. When some discomfort or disaster arises, believing absolutely in its necessity for me will lead me to the new learning I need now. Then, when I have learned the lesson(s), the discomfort changes to ease.
© 2008 by Thayer White
Finding Your Soul in the Spirituality Maze
|Excerpt from Be Your Own Therapist: "A most liberating and happiness-generating belief that one can have is to believe in the perfection of everyone around. Not only is Mother Teresa perfect, but so is Saddam Hussein and everyone in between. "Sure, sure, another bit of semantics or idealistic intellectualism," I hear you respond. Not at all."|